Monday, July 2, 2012


Today marks three months since we lost Buddy. It's odd but some days it feels like a lifetime since he was with us. Then there are days when his loss hurts so deeply - my arms ache to hold him.

Sometimes as I go through my day I realize I'm not thinking about him and that surprises me since he was such a constant presence in my life. Only recently does the house seem somewhat normal again. Before it was unbelievably silent making me uncomfortably conscious of the fact that Buddy was no longer with me, talking incessantly to me about whatever was important to him as I went about my household routine.

I don't hear his bell anymore nor feel his presence when I stand by my back door. In weeks' past I would catch myself looking down because he always had a habit of standing beside me as I gazed outside. I'm getting used to him not being there snuggling up to me during the night. However, I still check to make sure the door to the cabinet beneath my kitchen sink is closed so he can't get in there with the cleaning products. Sometimes I still catch myself looking down as I stand at the open refrigerator. Why? Buddy would always stand next to me looking intently inside as if he were ready to tell me what he wanted me to give him.

My brother, I'm sure is experiencing Buddy's loss in much the same way. Artie tells me all the time how much he misses Buddy watching for him at the front window. He misses catching Buddy and Annie cuddling together on the couch or the recliner. And most of all, he misses Buddy sitting and waiting for him, along with Annie, at the front door after a long day of work.

I still think about grief counseling but haven't been able to attend any sessions. We both want to go to at least one session to see if it helps us to cope better. I really miss my little man...

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